I also recently had a male stalker. He, wasn't so harmless. I'm not saying he would have hurt me.. I just did not give him the chance to find out. Recap..I joined this dating site months ago. *gasp* ...I know.. a dating site. So, when I joined, I didn't put a whole lot of info up, and to be completely honest the only reason I joined the site was a friend had put up a profile. He wanted me to review it and see what I thought of his ad.
Shortly afterward, I deactivated the account and forgot about it. Fast forward a few months and I had gotten an email from them telling me I had new matches and basically begging me to come back and review their site. Boredom won over sense, and I reopened my account. This particular site allowed you to state in specific terms what you were looking for. You had the choices of intimate encounter, friends with benefits, hanging out, activity partners, friends, dating, serious relationship, or marriage. I had so many things going on, and really I just wanted to look to see who I might have known on the site. (Point and laugh, you know) So I listed I was only looking for friends. I also plainly stated this in my description. I even added a few of my pictures.
Within minutes, I was seeing responses. I was shocked. The responses weren't all looking for dating/relationships or sex. In my profile I plainly stated that ..yeah.. I'm fat. I have big hips, rear and thighs and if they were tied up in image, they could look elsewhere. I had a few that were just compliments. They even stated "Hey, I don't want to come off as creepy, or gross. I do not see a fat girl in your pictures. I see a tall, beautiful woman." ...Color me pleasantly surprised. (Ok, no.. really.. shocked!) :)
So, one day I get an email saying I had some new matches. I decide to go check them out. I'm a little amused to find one of my matches is a coworker. Not a bad guy, but I don't think I'm emo/goth enough for him. :) ...Anyway, at the time I was looking, it told me he was online and I could click to chat with him. I thought, what the hell. I clicked on their little chat and said "Wow...how awkward is this, that out of all the people here it would be YOU to show up in my match list" ...well, he didn't respond, I minimized the window and pretty much forgot about it until hours later when I shut down my computer. As I closed it, I got a little pop-up saying "We're sorry he did not respond to your chats, we will send him an email telling him you were interested in him".. My heart... dropped. LOL Not saying there is anything wrong with him by any means.. I just wasn't "Interested" in him like that. I sat there staring at that little screen for an hour wondering what I'd do at work the next day... if he'd think things.. be repulsed.. be interested.. disgusted...ect. I opted to send him a message on facebook. I explained what had happened, and told him I was not hitting on him or anything. I went to bed nervous...was even more nervous at work the next day.
As soon as he logged in the next day he messaged me to tell me the dating site had never notified him that I was trying to chat with him. So, I could have saved myself the worry and embarrassment and not said anything to him! Later in the week, I was talking with my sister about the whole situation, and she wanted to see what he looked like. I decided to wade through 52 pages of profiles. If any of them jumped out at me, or I found interesting I'd open them in a new tab to look at later. Well, for some reason I never did find my coworker's profile...but I did find this guy who had an interesting heading and he was wearing some steampunk head gear that I wanted to look at a little closer. When I pulled up his profile, there was a list of 20 different bands that he liked. I hadn't heard of half of them, so I added him to my favorites tab so I could look up the bands later. His pictures weren't too shabby.. he had pretty eyes, a handful of tattoos and piercings, and overall seemed to like a lot of the same things I did. Being shy, I probably never would have contacted him.
Before I even had closed his profile, I had 2 messages in my inbox from him. We ended up talking for awhile there, and then I added him on facebook so we didn't have to email back and forth, we could chat. Within a week or so we were texting. He seemed pretty nice, and he was constantly texting and sending little notes. I just figured he was really interested. My birthday was coming up, and he lived in Medford. I had planned on going to a Flea Market in Medford on my birthday. I decided that would be a good day to meet him. It would be a public place, and I had friends there at the market, so I felt safe. When I pulled up and saw him, I did not even recognize him at first. It was only his tattoos that made me realize who he was. I do not care about a person's appearance. Obviously, I'm a big girl too, but, my profile pictures reflect what I look like currently....not 4 years ago. The person I met had gained over 180lbs since taking his last pictures. It surprised me, but I figured it was ok. We wandered around the Flea Market and talked.. I found a few cool things to bring home with me. As I was leaving I offered him a ride home. He barely fit in my car... and then once there, he kept putting his hand over on my thigh. Whoa buddy. My profile still clearly states I am only looking for friends. I wasn't sure what to say, but I moved my hand back to the stick shift and made it uncomfortable for him to keep his hand there, so he moved it.
We talked about a lot of things during the day. My fear of men, and intimacy came up, and I actually told him that I have a hard time kissing someone unless I'm very into them. This came out in conversation not even 20 minutes before I dropped him off at his house. During the few hours we hung out, I thought I'd made it clear I was only looking for friends...and I did not want any physical interactions. When I dropped him off, he asked me if I'd give him a hug. I figured I was safe enough. When I got close, he grabbed me by the back of the head and deep throat kissed me so hard I was gagging on his tongue. I started pushing away from him and when he finally realized I was not enjoying it he backed off, and apologized for being so aggressive. He said "I don't know what came over me, but I really ..really like you". I just brushed it off and left.
I continued talking to him online, and via text over the next week. He kept begging me to come spend the weekend with him in Medford. I told him that I would not stay the night with him, but I would come over and hang out to watch a movie or something. After I started thinking about his behavior the last time I saw him.. I put him off. I told him I had something come up. I was afraid that if I was at his house alone, and drank I could be in trouble. The fact that he was able to pretty much force me to kiss him when I was sober scared me.
I avoided him. I didn't return txts.. and in one night from 1:30am when I shut off my phone until 8pm the following night when I checked it again I had gotten over 82 text messages from him. The final one said "Hey, it's been 36 hours and 12 minutes since I've heard from you last. Is everything ok?" ...I snapped. I told him he was making me uncomfortable. I told him I wasn't someone who would just jump into bed with someone, and that kissing me like that had been a little inappropriate considering he knew that I was not interested in anything but friends. After he continually begged me to change my mind and "make a leap" with him.. I deleted and blocked him from my friends list on yahoo, facebook and the dating web site, and blocked his number from calling me or texting me. How do I end up attracting all the creepy, scary guys?!
