Two months ago life seemed about as perfect as it could get.
I had a mini-vacation and beach memorial planned.
I had money in the bank and food in the house.
I had a grandpa who spoke to me.
I had nights of wonderful sleep.
I went on vacation with my family. It was amazing. The beach was beautiful and the weather was perfect. The day before I planned on coming home, my sister and I decided to go out to see some falls. I was following her family out. I was unfamiliar with the area and the traffic, and I pulled out in front of a Charter Communications truck.
I saw it just a bit too late and he hit my rear tire. my first thought was Morgan. Once I was certain she was ok, I glanced at the other driver. Thankfully no one was majorly injured. Morgan had bruised ribs, and I have some lingering nerve issues. (Numbness and tingling)
It cost me $200 to tow the car home, the cost of a new car seat, and the $500 deductible to get my car back. There was $4,890 in damage done to my car after it was done.
My car insurance almost doubled, and even after 2 months, I still haven't caught back up. I'm broke...dead broke. I tried to swipe my debit for a bottle of water today and was declined. Checking my account balance shows 48 cents left.
I barely have food in the house for myself. I do make sure Morgan is well fed though. Even when that means I go hungry, which lately has been a lot more than I'd like. There are days at work that my stomach growls so hard it hurts and I wonder if the people on the phone, or sitting next to me can hear it.
I've had friends and coworkers tell me if I needed anything to let them know. I can't say anything about it at work, because to admit something like this would destroy what shred of self esteem I still have left. I live in fear that someone is going to ask me if I'm ok..or if I'm hungry.
One of my coworkers shared part of her lunch with me a few days ago. It took everything I had not to go into the bathroom and cry.
I really do have nothing left. I get WIC, foodstamps ($60 goes almost nowhere) and now, I will be forced to turn to foodbaskets to try to keep food in my house.
I feel like a horrible mom...like I'm failing and have no support or help.
I mention to Dave that Morgan needs food, but I don't think he even realizes how bad things are. Any time I even halfway mention I need help, its like he tunes it out and just starts telling me how bad things are for him. Yes, I have a car and a place to stay, BUT I'm FUCKING STARVING. Don't get me wrong, he's in a tough spot too... I guess I just haven't made it fully clear before now.
I'm also not sleeping. Between stressing out and worrying about money and food all the time I lay here wide awake until 2, sometimes 3...or if I do sleep it is short bursts and then I snap wide awake again.
My grandpa ...I can't even go into that right now. I can only hope that he truly sees what's going on around him before it is too late.
I'm a wreck...mentally, emotionally and physically. I don't know how much more I can take.
I had a mini-vacation and beach memorial planned.
I had money in the bank and food in the house.
I had a grandpa who spoke to me.
I had nights of wonderful sleep.
I went on vacation with my family. It was amazing. The beach was beautiful and the weather was perfect. The day before I planned on coming home, my sister and I decided to go out to see some falls. I was following her family out. I was unfamiliar with the area and the traffic, and I pulled out in front of a Charter Communications truck.
I saw it just a bit too late and he hit my rear tire. my first thought was Morgan. Once I was certain she was ok, I glanced at the other driver. Thankfully no one was majorly injured. Morgan had bruised ribs, and I have some lingering nerve issues. (Numbness and tingling)
It cost me $200 to tow the car home, the cost of a new car seat, and the $500 deductible to get my car back. There was $4,890 in damage done to my car after it was done.
My car insurance almost doubled, and even after 2 months, I still haven't caught back up. I'm broke...dead broke. I tried to swipe my debit for a bottle of water today and was declined. Checking my account balance shows 48 cents left.
I barely have food in the house for myself. I do make sure Morgan is well fed though. Even when that means I go hungry, which lately has been a lot more than I'd like. There are days at work that my stomach growls so hard it hurts and I wonder if the people on the phone, or sitting next to me can hear it.
I've had friends and coworkers tell me if I needed anything to let them know. I can't say anything about it at work, because to admit something like this would destroy what shred of self esteem I still have left. I live in fear that someone is going to ask me if I'm ok..or if I'm hungry.
One of my coworkers shared part of her lunch with me a few days ago. It took everything I had not to go into the bathroom and cry.
I really do have nothing left. I get WIC, foodstamps ($60 goes almost nowhere) and now, I will be forced to turn to foodbaskets to try to keep food in my house.
I feel like a horrible mom...like I'm failing and have no support or help.
I mention to Dave that Morgan needs food, but I don't think he even realizes how bad things are. Any time I even halfway mention I need help, its like he tunes it out and just starts telling me how bad things are for him. Yes, I have a car and a place to stay, BUT I'm FUCKING STARVING. Don't get me wrong, he's in a tough spot too... I guess I just haven't made it fully clear before now.
I'm also not sleeping. Between stressing out and worrying about money and food all the time I lay here wide awake until 2, sometimes 3...or if I do sleep it is short bursts and then I snap wide awake again.
My grandpa ...I can't even go into that right now. I can only hope that he truly sees what's going on around him before it is too late.
I'm a wreck...mentally, emotionally and physically. I don't know how much more I can take.
