Body Slam

I heard something on the way home from work today that thrilled me.  It was a story about about a kid in Australia who got picked on and beaten up every day, and finally fought back.  Have you seen this?!  I think Casey Haynes is my new hero! I am posting the video below.



What's shocking about this video is the boy who is being picked on is 16.  The bully is much younger, and smaller.

This touches close to home.  In high school I can remember being bullied constantly growing up.  My middle school, and most of my high school years were spent in fear due to bullies.  I wish I had the nerve to stand up to some of the kids.

I am not a big advocate of violence.  That being said, I feel NO sympathy for this bully.  He got exactly what he deserved.

Nightmares

I woke up last night/early this morning screaming.  I choked it back enough that I barely roused Morgan.  She was curled up sleeping peacefully in my lap.  I held her until the crying stopped, and then curled up in my bed, afraid to sleep.

This is irrational.  It's been so long since any of those things happened.  I don't know why my mind keeps bringing me back there, to that day...to that night, and the months of pain that followed.

Normally I can tell when I will have one...Normally something will happen during the day that I'll know has sparked that old fear in my head.  Last night...there was nothing.  I had good food, good company... played with Morgan.  I even got to talk with my friend, who I haven't really talked to for a long time after I got home.

I woke up way later than I had intended.  Now I have to get ready for work.  I HATE days like these.  I'll spend the rest of the day with that lingering cloud of unease over me.  I'd so much rather be at home, hiding in my bed.

Nerve :)

I finally got the nerve to talk to the guy I've been crushing on for months.  We went to high school together, and I bumped into him at the store back in September.  We've hung out a few times here and there.
Tonight we got onto the subject of past relationships...what went wrong, and where our futures were heading.

Wouldn't you know it...his last relationship failed because he's gay and was trying to play straight to make his VERY religious family happy!  I'm happy that he's finally able to stop pretending...and that I finally had the guts to tell him I liked him.. just a little bummed it didn't work out.  LOL :)

Bucket List

I've been thinking about death a lot lately.  I can hardly believe it's almost been two months since my grandma died.  It feels like it's been a year.  It still hasn't gotten any better.  There are times when I have to force myself to think of something else so I do not cry.  Today was really hard at work.  I'm not even sure why.  I heard the church bells start ringing at 1 and I had to fight not to cry.  Neither of us went to church, so I'm not really sure why the bells hit me, but they did.  I'm just glad a few friends were able to distract me long enough to get me laughing again. :)

I am thankful that she had a long, full life.  She accomplished so much in her life.  Her dedication to the ABC Club was inspiring.  She's touched so many lives... but I wonder, did she have anything that she wanted to accomplish, that she did not? (Other than the obvious, kicking cancer)

It made me think about my own bucket list.  How I'm turning 33 this year, and there were things I'd hoped to have had accomplished long... long ago.
I've decided to share mine with you.

1. To visit KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa for at least 2 weeks - more if possible. (The Tembe National Elephant Reserve)

2. To get my PADI Advanced Open water dive certificate.

3. To own my own home.

4. To learn how to play cello.

5. Learn how to speak Gaelic... and possibly Latin.

6. Spend a summer at an archeology dig site.

7. Finish my Multimedia degree

8. Open a photography studio.

9. Finish my poetry book and actually publish it.

10. Set up a trust fund for Morgan so she can be taken care of when I'm gone.

That's at least 10 things from my list.  There are hundreds more.  Do you have a bucket list?

Thank you.. >:(

Now I remember why things are the way they are.  Now I remember why that wall was put up.

Thank you for helping me to remember why it was never worth it to let it come down.

I'm so angry at myself right now I can't even stand it.

Playhouse

If I have to prove myself

then it isn’t worth it

my mind moves to fast

to stop and think

about you

I’m finally back out

in the real world

where people respect me

for who I am

instead of coming up with cheap excuses

to try and break me down

you could never keep up with me

but for some reason

I ignored that

I will be blind no more

I refuse to play childish games with you

but I will laugh

when your playhouse crumbles

BAH :)

I had this really awesome post about body mods (tats and piercings)  that I had planned on finishing tonight...but my computer ate it. :( I actually had it in a sticky note and accidentally backspaced when it was selected... I really wish the sticky note feature had an undo. >:(