Nightmares

Would it surprise you to know I don't sleep well? How about the fact that I have had violent, graphic, blood and death filled nightmares...often.

We're talking at least 3 nights a week but closer to 4 or 5. Almost every night for the last 10 years. They aren't always the exact same dream but they all share the same story line.

Chances are if you are a man who I've spoken more than a time or two you've been in one of these dreams. Sorry Kenny...even you..Even people I know aren't any sort of threat to me. Not always the star feature guy...but there.

Its strange to me how horrible they are and the people who I find in them. What's stranger is there is only one guy in the past few years that I have known for awhile that has never shown up.  Does it mean anything? Not so sure....just that my brain hasn't put out a new casting call yet I guess.

I usually wake up startled and after awhile I'm able to settle down fairly quickly. Last night...not so much.. Last night I woke with a scream bubbling out of my throat and trying to kick the latest boogey men away from me.  Sadly these boogey men were Kenny and Jesse...but not Jesse as he was...Jesse as he would be now, 2 months after his death.  

I'm not sure what I kicked but I have one hell of a bruise today. Its actually sorta sore to walk.  I wish I could find a way to turn these dreams off. They ruin my whole day and today is supposed to be a family day ...with smiles..pictures...family...friends and love. I'm just having a really hard time finding my smile today.